Managing Stress for Black Women
If you're a black woman, you may know the "strong black woman" stereotype. You know, the trope that depicts black women as being tough, resilient, and strong no matter what life throws at them. We see it all the time.
But, the truth is there are times when we need help. We all have our struggles and challenges, but we often don't talk about them much because of the stigma surrounding mental health. Sometimes it's the lack of knowing how or when to seek help or just feeling like it is all too painful to handle.
Many black women have been taught or conditioned to put everyone else first, but that is not healthy or sustainable. It can lead to feelings of resentment and stress if not appropriately addressed. This is where we have to be proactive in our lives. Long-term stress on our bodies or relationships can cause severe, yet preventable lifestyle diseases and ailments such as heart disease, mood disorders, or eating disorders.
Baby girl, your relationship with yourself is the longest one you will ever have. You are the most important person in your life and you need to be able to take care of yourself.
Holistic wellness, which means taking care of your mind, body, and spirit, starts with you. If you don’t take care of yourself, then how can you help anyone else? There are nine main pillars of wellness and health that are important for us to focus on and try to balance for our well-being. Those are physical health, emotional and mental health, creativity, environmental health, financial health, career, intellectual health, social and relationships, and spiritual health.
The Wheel Of Life
Here are some tips for managing:
1) Check in with yourself
When was the last time you sat down and asked yourself what wellness means for me? What does wellness look like for me? What does wellness feel like for me? How do I want to feel when I am practicing wellness? How am I feeling? What do I need to have in place to feel better?
Check-in with yourself to determine your needs — whether it's something simple like taking time for yourself or something more complex like seeking therapy or medication if necessary. Notice your moods and emotions. When you are feeling down, go outside in nature, and take a friend or two that makes you feel safe and good about yourself. If you notice your mood has been down for weeks, it may be time to seek professional help.
2) Take care of your physical wellness.
When it comes to taking care of yourself outside of therapy, taking care of your physical wellness— such as eating healthy food, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly — will help improve your mental health and overall wellbeing over time. If you're struggling with any of these things, consider seeking help from a professional who can help you get back on track.
Physical Activity is also an excellent way to let out anger, frustrations, or other pent-up emotions in your body. When I was in therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder, my therapist recommended taking self-defense classes. I took Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, dance classes, and yoga, which helped me feel comfortable and confident in my body again.
3) Decide to make safe choices for your body
This kind of self-care includes making safe decisions about what we consume, drink, and put on our bodies (makeup, body washes, facial products, etc). Nourishment is about what we consume daily, and it's more than just food. We need boundaries, and we need to make these decisions out of love for ourselves and respect for our bodies. We must stop putting things into our bodies and minds that will harm us long-term. This can be as simple as taking excellent care of personal hygiene, saying no to that drink if you know it will make you feel sick the next day, unfollowing social media pages that make you feel bad about yourself, or as complicated as placing boundaries at work, or deciding to cut contact with an abusive ex-partner. Check-in with yourself about what you’re consuming, even passively, and how you feel afterward.
4) Make time for fun!
It's easy to get caught up in our jobs and responsibilities that we forget how important it is to take time for ourselves and do something fun! And if you're feeling stressed or anxious about something, having some fun may help take your mind off it! Going out with your girlfriends or loved ones for a picnic in the grass or just a chat can make you feel better. Surround yourself with people and things that bring you joy and make you feel confident. Nature in itself is therapeutic. We are meant to be grounded in it. Having fun is a part of human nature.
5) Make time to meditate
Meditation does not always look like sitting perfectly still with your eyes closed without a thought in the world. Often, it seems like being in a zone, noticing random thoughts, and coming back to focus on one thing. Meditation that feels relaxing and safe can be different for everyone. I know a guy whose version of meditation consists of printing custom-designed t-shirts in his shop solo. For me, sometimes braiding my hair can be meditation. It’s a little of what gives you peace and makes you feel connected to your breath and focus. For many, it is focusing on their breath or their body, wherever and whenever they are. Being mindful in the moment is having a sense of noticing the world around without judgment.
6) Seek safe relationships
Have relationships with people who you look up to but also who look up to you. For example, family, friends, therapists, and coaches all provide and contribute something different to our lives but still all hold us to a powerful vision of ourselves. It is essential to surround yourself with people who make you feel like the shit- and who will ~lovingly~ call you on your shit if needed.
7) Identify your goals and take action
Decide what you want for yourself and go for it. Get clear on what that may look like. Also, get clear on how self-sabotage may show up and what you will do to stop her in her tracks. When thinking about your goals, think about what you want to accomplish, when, and who you may transform into during the process. Visualize what success would feel like when you get there. Recognize this feeling now, and you'll be able to see it later. What do you need to think, know, or believe in getting there?
8) Explore alternative healing methods
Regularly get checked for medical ailments and diseases. If those methods are not working for you, talk to your doctor about exploring integrative practices such as mind-body medicine, bodywork, and energy healing. There are lots of resources and traditional eastern methods for healing the body that are beneficial, proactive, and less invasive. Integrative medicine aids in overall wellbeing when combined with conventional methods. If you’re going to explore more, feel free to do a google search and find someone local in your community. You can also book a consultation, and we can explore what may be right for you.
In the end, the most critical relationship you have is with yourself. So take care of her. If you find these tips or some variations of these strategies for yourself helpful, let me know. I am here for you. Together we are creating a safe space with relevant and proven information to continue caring for our well-being. Let’s live our best lives.
